My PlayDoh Heart

I was at the table assessing my budget since we're halfway through 2018 while Nai, my four-year-old daughter, was making shapes with PlayDoh.

She made a pink heart. Just as soon as she'd made it, she accidentally broke it.

She exclaimed,
"Mama! My heart broke!"
I immediately went into "fix it" mode and offered to help her rebuild her heart. She said,
"It's okay Mama. I can fix it. It will be even better!"
 I couldn't help but think that that is how God handles our hearts. His Word says, in Psalm 147:3:
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
I've been brokenhearted more times than I'd like to express. But one thing I know for certain, is that God always makes me better than I was before. And who better to mend our hearts than the creator of our hearts?


That Feeling

Written by: Mylah Stanton

Photo by Sharon Pittaway on Unsplash

My freedom feels like guilt
Guilt for finally being happy, free, unbothered
Do I deserve freedom?
Happiness feels overrated because my guilt weighs heavy.
I can't be happy unless everyone else is
I have to serve their meals before I serve my own
I'm thirsty, but do you have your drink?
I can wait.
I must be crazy because you said you loved me
But I didn't feel it.
Yes, it is all my fault I couldn't feel
My fault I couldn't feel the love
What's wrong with me? Everything.
What's wrong with you? Nothing

Missing One of My Senses

Photo by Pranam Gurung on Unsplash

You know how they say that when the body loses one of its five senses, the other four become more sensitive and heightened?

I feel like I'm going through something similar since the passing of my mom.

I talked to my mom every day and had her on speed dial when I needed to vent, ask for advice, cry, laugh, or make a decision. I'll refer to the need for my mom as my "Mama Sense." After she passed, I lost my Mama Sense.

I feel like I have to work overtime in every other part of my life to fill that void. But here's what I noticed.

The void will never be filled.

My other senses have become stronger; most notably, my God-sense. In the months before my Mommy passed away, she told me she wanted to be sure that I would always go to God FIRST for EVERYTHING. I'd like to sit here in front of you and say that I've always gone to God first in prayer, but that isn't true. I went to my mom first 99% of the time.

I'm now exercising my God-sense more than ever. It's getting stronger and I'm becoming even more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. 

Music Monday Post #3

A friend of mine text me a link to this video. I've been re-playing it ever since. I hope it blesses you the way it has blessed me!


I'm Too Old For This

Wake Up!
Is it time to get up already?

A little voice whispered, "Mama. Mama. Let's wake up now. It's morning time."

I rolled over in my bed, opened one eye and saw my six-year-old son with a face of excitement, ready to get his day started. Lying next to him was his night owl three-year-old sister who was still sleep. I looked at him, and then glanced over at the clock.

5:55 a.m.? Are you kidding me?

Good goodness son! Go back to sleep!

But I can't tell him that. He's waited all week to see me. Yes, he lives with their dad.

The time my son and I do have together during his weekends with me is so precious. I treasure it.

But I would be lying through my teeth if I said that I wasn't so completely exhausted after I have both of them together for the weekend.

I waited until I was in my thirties to begin having children. Because I waited a little longer than some (although it seems lately that people are starting to postpone child bearing), I'm in my late 30's running after a three-year-old...and quite frankly, I'm tired sometimes.

I push myself all of the time because I know that I will never get this time back. I'll blink and they'll be in their 30's running after their own children (Lord willing). So I make the most of it. I plan A LOT. I actually started creating a weekend agenda for us so that I won't have to wing it. I eat my Juice Plus and try to stay hydrated so I don't get sick too often. I pray A LOT for strength and I have to admit - most, if not all, of that strength comes from God.

Being a parent isn't easy. Being a single mother isn't easy. I choose to do the very best that I can so that my children see a happy, peaceful, and relaxed mother.

I still can't believe he wakes up before 6. Meh.

When did your kids start sleeping in? When did you start gaining back a little of your free time?

Music Monday Post #2

I was feeling this one. I'm a sucker for beats with heavy bottoms. (swoon!) So I thought I'd share!

What's This All About?

I realize that I've started posting without even telling y'all what this blog is about. So let me rewind the tape.

I'm not new to the blogging scene. As a matter of fact, I've started and stopped blogs since 2001. Yeah, I know, started and stopped. Truth is, I've failed to be consistent. Here's why:

I didn't write from my heart.

I wasn't authentic.

I wrote what I thought people wanted to hear.

My old blogs just weren'

So here I am. A 30-something divorced mother of two who has learned a lot and is no longer ashamed to show people who she really is.

In the last few years, I've learned to only take serious those things that will impact my children, and my life in a positive or negative manner, and to praise God in EVERYTHING!

I learned to laugh at myself!

I learned it was/is okay to cry and show weakness... And be vulnerable.

I learned that I didn't have to be perfect because I have a perfect Savior. I strive for holiness, as that is expected of God's children.

Through all of my hardships, you know what I appreciated the most? Laughter, and people who would just simply listen as I vented or cried.

I wasn't interested in deep antidotes on life. I couldn't care less about the next self help book. ALL I WANTED WAS JESUS, a good laugh from my belly, and friends who would pray and listen.

So this blog is just that. It's a place where I can vent about stuff that you might be able to relate to, share things I find funny (hopefully you do as well), share my testimony and things God is showing me in life, and well... share good music (on music Monday's).

I have a simplistic conversational style.

But I also enjoy the complexities of life.

My motto is:

"I crave complex, but despise complicated."
(Quote me on that.)